By Beckie Stewart
Guest Columnist
In her book, The Adoption Decision, Laura Christianson writes:
“When Caucasian families adopt children of a different ethnicity, they become a minority family.”
When I read this statement, it took me back to the journey our family made to receive this honorary status.
My husband and I were raised in families in which racist comments arose on a regular basis. Our adoption agency informed us that we had a high chance of being matched with a Eurasian daughter with our selection of Kazakhstan. A deep concern plagued me, especially as we waited for that first glance of our daughter. I later discovered that my fears regarding our family’s feelings were unmerited. Both sides of our family received our daughter with open arms.
Quite honestly, I had my own struggles in our choice to adopt a different ethnicity—struggles which had nothing to do with prejudice. The conflict within me focused on the attention I anticipated our daughter would receive due to her appearance compared to the rest of the family.
I feared constant questions and intrusion about her adoption. I dreaded people asking about the cost, but more then that, the continual focus on her being adopted.
I didn’t intend on withholding information about her adoption, but I feared the ceaseless reminder might cause insecurity and problems for her. I conquered some of this apprehension by helping her feel proud about being born in Kazakhstan and talking freely with her about it.
I also wondered how she would feel if someone accused us of not being her parents? While leaving an establishment with her at 18 months old, I received questions about her being my child. My daughter wouldn’t identify me as her mother, but thankfully, my friend with me did. I discovered from that episode the importance in carrying an identification card for her. I never leave home without it now.
I found that admitting my own inner battle to others eased my concerns and helped me see that others wrestled with the same issues. My daughter has been with us for a little over three years now, and I’m proud to be considered her mother—and a minority family.
Beckie Stewart is a regular guest columnist on Exploring Adoption. She also blogs at godsgraciousgems.blogspot.com.