In a column about sex education in my local newspaper, the reporter wrote that high school kids in a local school district who get pregnant “are taught to keep the baby or put it up for adoption.”

Call me hyersensitive, but I cringe when I see the phrases, “keep the baby,” and “put up for adoption.”

I’m a strong advocate for the use of what we in the adoption world call “positive adoption language” or “respectful adoption language.” When I see journalists using the worn-out phrasing, I dash off an e-mail to them, suggesting that they replace the tired language with the terms “parent the baby” and “place for adoption.”

The terms “parent” and “place for adoption are accurate descriptors of what happens when a (birth) mother makes a decision in regards to her child.

These days, many first/birth parents who decide on adoption make a carefully thought-out plan. Rather than “put up” or “give up” their child, which connotes something along the lines of sending an unwanted dog to the pound, birth parents “place” their child (often, literally), into the arms of his or her adoptive parents.

People who decide to parent their babies hopefully do just that. They don’t just “keep” their baby; they actively parent him or her.

While the distinction among the phrases may seem minor, words wield a tremendous power to shape opinions about adoption. I believe that adoptive parents and others touched by adoption have the responsibility to carefully consider the types of words we use to describe adoption. And we need to gently encourage others to incorporate respectful adoption language into their vocabularies.

WE are the ones who will shape attitudes towards adoption for the next generation.

The numbers are in: International adoptions for fiscal year 2009 (10-1-08 – 9-30-09) dipped 27 percent from 2008, to 12,753.

Intercountry adoptions peaked in 2004, with 22,884 children from other countries finding homes with U.S. families.

The top 10 countries from which U.S. families adopted in fiscal year 2009 were:

1. China – 3001
2. Ethiopia – 2277
3. Russia – 1586
4. South Korea – 1080
5. Guatemala – 756
6. Ukraine – 610
7. Vietnam – 481
8. Haiti – 330
9. India – 297
10. Kazakhstan – 295

In an Associated Press article, David Crary writes:

China has been steadily cutting back the numbers of healthy, well-adjusted orphans being made available for adoptions; a majority of Chinese children now available to U.S. adoptive families have special physical or emotional needs.

Adoptions from Guatemala (the #1 country in 2008) and Vietnam (#6 in 2008) have dropped significantly because adoptions from those countries have been plagued by corruption, and adoptions from those countries have been shut down indefinitely.

Domestic adoptions of newborns are also decreasing. Because of our current economic recession, many adoption agencies mistakenly believed more women in crisis pregnancies would decide to place their unborn babies for adoption.

According to a New York Times article by Susan Dominus, that hasn’t happened.

Dawn Smith-Pliner, founder of Vermont-based Friends in Adoption, told the Times that pregnant women are instead thinking:

“…if the achievable goal, a half-decent job, isn’t an option to work toward, then I might as well keep the baby — that’s tangible.”

Single motherhood continues to gain societal acceptance, and women who are considering placing a child for adoption may be foregoing traditional adoption agencies in favor of researching and networking with prospective adoptive parents online.

Sources:

• Intercountry Adoption, Office of Children’s Issues, U.S. Department of State
• Foreign adoptions by Americans hit 13-year low
• Lean Times, but No Rise in Adoptions

ABC launched new reality show called “Find My Family” Monday. Did you catch it?

I didn’t; I was out. From the previews, it appears to be a tug-your-heartstrings show about people in closed adoptions who are searching for (and finding) their birth parents.

I remember a few years ago when one of the networks tried to launch a similar show called “Who’s Your Daddy?” It lasted all of one episode.

I’d be interested to hear what you think of this new show. I’m happy to see that the hosts, Lisa Joyner and Tim Green, were both adopted. Lisa is also an adoptive mom, and this gives me hope that they will use respectful adoption language and treat the families who guest on the show with sensitivity.

I’m also glad that ABC is assisting adults in closed adoptions to find members of their birth family. Too many people have grieved for years because of the secrecy that surrounds closed adoption. Of course, finding one’s birth relatives opens up a whole new can of worms… but reality TV thrives on drama!

I’m a bit bothered by the show’s title — find my family could be construed as a slam on adoptive parents. Are the people who do the parenting part of the equation in this show? Just curious.

Please share your thoughts if you saw the first episode.

You can view the first full episode.

November is National Adoption Month, and Sunday, November 8 is Orphan Sunday.

Here are links to articles and videos that celebrate adoption:

• Orphan Sunday, Live, From Nashville – With Steven Curtis Chapman, Jim Daly and Dennis Rainey. If you missed the live event, you can watch it at GospelMusicChannel.com starting Friday evening, Nov 13, 2009.

• Adoption and Discipleship – from Jason Kovacs

• Our Adoption in Christ – What it Means for Us and For Orphans (free e-book from Together for Adoption)

• What it’s really like when you finalize your child’s adoption in court – Video from Carla Williams

• Carla Williams’ adoption story (she’s an adoptive grandma) – at Christian MomLogic

• 30 Ways to Celebrate National Adoption Month – from me

• Sidney Gaskins is devoting all her blog posts this November to National Adoption Month. Her blog is The Pulse. She tweets @enterprisinglyf

• See how others are marking National Adoption Month all across the country.

Weaving Families Adoption Ministry debuted its free online magazine this month.

RJ Caswell, Exective Director of the North Carolina-based ministry, writes:

Our mission is providing adoption counseling, education, and comfort throughout the lifelong journey of adoption. We felt the magazine “fit” with education and comfort, but we wanted it to be more than just an adoption magazine.

Many churches are moving to orphan care and adoption ministries (we help start ours) and we know so many families who adopt want to be able to support orphan care ministries.  So, the magazine was born.  We wanted to include adoption education and personal adoption stories as well as ministries who are serving vulnerable children and families.

The summer issue (35 pages) is packed with articles, including:

• A column from author Kristen Wong
• An inside look at international adoption, from the perspective of the director of a child placing agency
• Hope for parents of children with difficult backgrounds
• Hints for affording adoption

The second issue comes out in September. RJ welcomes suggestions for articles and says, “We hope folks that read the magazine will find comfort and inspiration.”

In keeping with the tradition that Wendy’s founder Dave Thomas started, Wendy’s has a mix of happenings this Father’s Day season where proceeds will be donated to the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. 
 
At FrostyCard.com, kids can create a free, custom Father’s Day e-card or select a pre-designed card created by a celebrity. Wendy’s will donate 25¢ to the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption for every card sent. 

 And, over Father’s Day Weekend (June 20-21), Wendy’s will donate 50¢ from every Frosty sold to the DTFA. There are two new Frosty flavors – Frosty-cino & Coffee Toffee Twisted Frosty.

Here are some members of the Christianson clan enjoying Frostys last Father's Day:

Up until now, embryo adoption has not been governed by the laws of any state. That changes July 1, 2009, with Georgia's "Option of Adoption Act." 

Michael Foust writes in the Christian Examiner:

"The bill
(which was passed by the House 108-61 and the Senate 45-9, and signed by Governor Sonny Perdue) amends Georgia's adoption laws to make clear that embryo adoption in
fact is a form of adoption.

The law also allows adoptive parents to
file in court for a final order of adoption (for the child who is born
as the result of the embryo adoption), which supporters of the new law
say clarifies that the adopting parents are eligible for claiming some
but not all of their expenses for the federal adoption tax credit…"

The new law defines an embryo as "an individualized
fertilized ovum of the human species from the single-cell stage to
eight-week development."

The law states: "A
child born to a recipient intended parent as the result of embryo
relinquishment … shall be presumed to be the legal child of the
recipient intended parent."

In the other 49 states, couples participating in an embryo adoption must sign private legal contracts that treat the embryo as property.

One of my readers writes:

This mom-to-be would love to hear from others who have dealt with similar situations. I don't have much experience in this area, so if you can offer her some helpful advice, statistics, or resources where she can get more information, that would be great

I've been a member of the micro-blogging service, Twitter, for many months now (@bloggingbistro). But after reading Joel Comm's book, Twitter Power: How to Dominate Your Market One Tweet at a Time, I decided to start a second Twitter account so I can interact with others in the adoption community.

You can find me on Twitter @adoptionexpert.

You may be wondering: Isn't having two Twitter accounts a bit of overkill? Perhaps. But here's why I did it:

1. I own a business (Blogging Bistro) that helps people maximize their blogging and social media marketing. On my Blogging Bistro Twitter account, I provide helpful links to articles about marketing, business blogging, social media, and other business-related topics.
2. My alter-ego as an adoption author and adoption advocate doesn't fit within the social media marketing realm. I wanted to see whether an account dedicated solely to adoption issues would attract any attention.

It has. More than I ever expected. In the couple of weeks since I created the account, I've begun following 110 people who have direct connections to adoption:

• Pre- and post-adoptive parents
• Birth parents
• Adopted people
• Adoption professionals
• Adoption and orphan care organizations

These are the ONLY people I follow on @adoptionexpert. I did this on purpose, so that if you join Twitter and want to find other adoption tweeps to follow, all you have to do is follow the folks I follow.

And if you follow me, I'll follow you back if you tweet about adoption (just use the #adoption hashtag on your adoption tweets and I'll find you). 

The community of adoption Twitterers is small, but active, and growing at a fast clip. My tweeps (that's Twitterese for "Twitter peeps") constantly point me to interesting articles and opinions about adoption and share snippets about what's going on in their lives. Since I'm running a business and don't have time to blog daily here at Exploring Adoption, Twitter is a great way for me to keep up with what's going on in the world of adoption.

What are you waiting for? Set up a Twitter account and join us!
(If you need help getting the most out of Twitter, I provide low-cost consults. Contact me.)

P.S. You can also follow my most recent Twitter updates from the far righthand sidebar of this blog.

I vowed to ignore the Obamamania that has gripped Americans during the past few months. But when I spotted a headline that said Obama was adopted, I had to investigate.

It’s true. Obama’s adoptive parents are Hartford and Mary Black Eagle, of Lodge Grass, Montana. The Black Eagles, members of the 12,100-member Crow Nation, adopted Obama during a private ceremony this past summer.

In an article for The Washington Post, Michael Laris reports:
“…Hartford waved smoke from burning cedar needles over Obama, twice in the front and twice in the back, with a bald eagle fan. Afterward, Obama told reporters he was deeply moved by the ceremony…”

The adoption was not just a publicity stunt or an honorary degree; Obama is now considered a member of the Crow Nation. He was christened “Awe Kooda Bilaxpak Kuxshish,” which means “One Who Helps People Throughout This Land.”

His adoptive parents, who are in their mid-70s, were selected because they have five living generations on the reservation. The Black Eagles were seated in a place of honor during Obama’s inauguration.

Although Obama’s adoption was an obvious political move by both the Crow Nation and the Obama campaign, I’m still struck by the significance of the decision. A genetic or “blood” connection is NOT the be-all, end-all sign of true family. True family means welcoming a new family member—regardless of their age—honoring and caring for that person the remainder of your days. It means celebrating the unique qualities that person brings into your life.

As you go through your week, identify a person you might like to adopt—or ask to adopt you. Who is that person?

Related story:

• Actress Sharon Stone Adopts Grandparents

More on this story:

• The Caucus (New York Times Politics Blog)
• The Trail (The Washington Post Politics blog)