Over the past 17 years, we have exchanged birthday and Christmas gifts with our sons’ birth families. During the first two years after adopting our oldest son, our adoption agency served as the middleman for all correspondence exchanged. After that, we mutually decided to open our adoption and began communicating (and exchanging gifts) directly.

Here are five recommendations, based on our family’s experiences:

1.  Ask permission to exchange gifts.

If you’re an adoptive parent, keep in mind that your child’s birth parent(s) are probably not nearly as wealthy as you are. While it’s important for your child’s birth parent(s) to know you care, sending an extravagant gift can make a birth parent feel awkward.

Some birth parents may feel as if you’re sending them a “payoff” to thank them for letting you adopt their child. Others may feel obligated to reciprocate by sending an expensive gift of their own—a gift they can’t afford to purchase.

Birth family members, too, can go overboard and can even develop unhealthy gift-giving “competitions.” The grandma on the birth father’s side, for instance, might hear that the grandma on the birth mother’s side sent five expensive presents, so she sends ten expensive presents. The adoptive family, overwhelmed with loads of gifts, may respond by requesting that no gifts be sent. Then everyone feels hurt, confused, and unhappy.

It’s best to be completely honest with one another regarding the times of year you’ll exchange gifts (your child’s birthday is the most important time), the amount of gifts you’ll send (one gift is appropriate), and even, the cost of the gift (agree to spend $50 or less…or $20 or less).

2.  Include gift receipts.

This may sound totally tacky, but it works for our family (when I say “family,” I mean adoptive and birth families). Because adoptive and birth families may not visit one another in person, it’s hard to judge how quickly a child is growing…to know what size he’s wearing this week or whether he’s fixated on Beanie Babies, books, or baseball cards.

We sometimes receive well-intended, but inappropriate gifts: clothes that are the wrong size (or the wrong color or style, according to our fashion-conscious sons), movie DVDs that are inappropriate for their ages, or toys they grew out of playing with years ago. It’s awkward to tell a child’s birth grandparent or birth parent, “Er—you know that PG-13 video you sent?  Well, he’s only 10 and we don’t allow him to watch PG-13 movies.”

Agreeing to include gift receipts eliminates awkwardness and allows the recipient to exchange the gift for something more appropriate.

We’ve taught our children that when they receive gifts that they already own (another common occurrence) or that will need to be exchanged, to simply smile and say, “Thank you for the gift. I really appreciate it.”

3.  Write thank-you notes.

I confess; we often forget to follow through with writing thank-you notes. Our sons hate to write (they assume that having a mother who’s a professional writer covers any writing they’ll have to do for the rest of their lives). I practically have to chain them to the chair and threaten them with bodily harm to get them to write thank-you notes.

And yes, I’m referring to the hand-written notes you send through postal mail! It doesn’t matter whether the note simply says, “Dear Grandma, Thank you for the gift. Love Jessica.” Your child’s birth family will love seeing her cute handwriting and/or drawings. Include a photo of the child (a candid snapshot or a wallet-sized portrait is perfect) with the thank-you note.

Most computers come with rudimentary photo-editing software. You can scan a photo of your child or download a digital photo and print out your own custom photo thank-you cards. I’ve had birth grandparents tell me that the photo card resides on their mantle year-round, and that the artwork my children enclose hold a place of honor on their fridge.

4.  Send handmade or “family tradition” gifts whenever possible.

Whoever coined the phrase, “It’s the thought that counts” was dead-on. I can barely remember the truckloads of train sets, Legos, clothes, and gift cards our sons have received from their respective birth families. But I think of Josh’s birth grandma every day when I see him snuggling beneath the quilt she sewed for him a couple of years ago. And I think of Ben’s birth grandma when I see the baby blanket she gave him when he was a newborn, stuffed next to his pillow.

One birth grandma sends our son a silver dollar “from Santa” to put in his Christmas stocking every year. It’s a simple, inexpensive gift, but it’s part of her family tradition—she does the same thing for her sons. Our son loves digging that silver dollar out of his stocking (which he pretends is “from Santa”); he now has a silver dollar that represents each year of his life.

Another birth grandma treats our sons to handmade Halloween, Easter, and Christmas baskets every year. Our sons rip into these gifts with delight. The baskets (or bags) usually contain little trinkets from the dollar store, some candy, and a brief, handwritten note from Grandma. But they don’t care. For them, the excitement is in:

1) anticipating the gift
2) opening the box to see what cool thing Grandma thought of this year
3) knowing Grandma and Grandpa love them

I am not a “crafty” person; sewing machines, pincushions, knitting needles and glue guns send me running the other direction, fast. But I love to take pictures, especially pictures of my kids. I upload my favorite shots of my sons to Shutterfly and create custom photo calendars for each birth parent and grandparent. They tell me that they love the calendars and that they never throw them out.

5.  Include additional children in the gift exchange.

We have two sons, adopted from different birth families. Ben’s birth mom is married and has three additional children. Josh’s birth parents have two additional children. We’re also in contact with several sets of birth grandparents and great grandparents, as well as a few aunts, uncles, and cousins. That amounts to what could be a lot of gift-giving.

As our families have continued to grow, we’ve agreed to exchange gifts just among the children. So we give gifts to the birth parents’ children and they give gifts to both our children.

Some people think this is weird and ask, “Why would a birth parent give a gift to a child who isn’t theirs?”

I reply, “Because our sons’ birth parents are thoughtful.” They imagine how difficult it would be for one child to get an ultra-cool gift from them and for the other child to receive nothing.

Trust me; kids have gift radar and they sense instantly whether one person is “getting shafted.” They may even hold it over their sibling: “My birth mom likes me better than she likes you.”  Or: “My birth mom loves me more than your birth mom loves you.”  Or (to a sibling who was not adopted): “My birth mom sends me presents, but since you’re not her birth child, you don’t get any.”

We give gifts to our sons’ biological siblings, as well (we usually
give Christmas gifts because it’s hard to keep track of all the
birthdays). Why? Because we like to. And because we truly are part of one
another’s extended family.

A reader asks:

Q: Adoptive parents often have relationships with birth relatives other than their child’s birth parents—such as birth grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins.

How can adoptive parents minimize the risk of hurting the feelings of their relatives in the adoptive extended family when referring to birth relatives using titles such as “Nana,” “Aunt,” or “Grandma”?

A: Relationships with extended family members can be tricky, even within nuclear families. Openness in adoption adds complexity to already-complex family interactions, namely because you are adding an entire set of new relatives into the fold—people with whom you likely had no connection prior to the adoption.

Birth Family Concerns
Members of the extended birth family are usually confused about what role they will play in the adopted child’s life.

They wonder:

• Will I be welcomed by the adoptive family? If so, to what extent?
• Will I have permission to write, e-mail, send gifts, call, or visit? If so, how often?
• Is there is an appropriate “title” by which I’d like the child to refer to me?
• Will I be able to live up to the expectations that accompany my title?  If I’m called ‘Grandma,’ will I truly be able to function as ‘Grandma’ to my grandchild who no longer lives within my nuclear family? What will that ‘look’ like?

Adoptive Family Concerns
Members of the extended adoptive family wonder how they’re supposed to treat members of the extended birth family:

• Should  I welcome this stranger as a legitimate ‘grandma’?
• Should I ignore the birth family’s existence and pretend that they exist in another universe, entirely separate from the one in which I live?
• Am I willing to share my grandchild with members of the birth family?
• Will we be competing to see who loves the child the most, and who can give the child the most stuff?
• Now that the child is part of my family, do I claim sole ownership? Or because the child is biologically related to the birth family, do they claim ownership, as well?

These are difficult questions. I encourage birth and adoptive families who are planning an open adoption (or who are already in one) to do some soul-searching and to verbalize how you really feel about these relationships.  Expressing your concerns, fears, hurts, and questions is an important step conquering those fears and moving forward in an emotionally healthy manner.

Keep in mind that you’re entering uncharted territory—this is likely the first time either you or the other party has encountered a relationship challenge quite like this one, and it’s a good idea to show a lot of grace to the other party when the inevitable errors in judgment occur.

If you’re feeling really brave and comfortable with one another, consider scheduling a “family” meeting (with members of the extended birth and adoptive family in attendance) where you can discuss:

• What titles does everyone prefer to use? (Grandma, Nana, Granny, etc).
• What role will I play in the child’s life?
• What is expected/not expected of me?
• How can I best support and love the adopted child?

My experience
As we’ve forged relationships with our children’s extended birth family, there have definitely been awkward moments and mistakes made.  When my mother expressed some reservations about interacting with our kids’ birth family members, I essentially told her, “Get over it. This is the way it’s going to be, so you can either live with it or you can pretend they don’t exist. But the birth family is important to us, and they’re going to be part of our lives, whether or not you choose to welcome them.”

While I know she felt uncomfortable around our sons’ birth family members, she chose to accept the fact that this was the way our lives were going to look, and she eventually came around.

When my mom passed away five years ago, guess who attended her memorial service? Our son’s birth parents and two sets of birth grandparents!

Also in this series:

• Open Adoption Q & A – Part 1 – Birth Sibling Issues
• Open Adoption Q & A – Part  2 – Maintaining Healthy Relationships
• Questions to Ask When Planning an Open Adoption

————————————-

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In yesterday’s post, I advised families who are preparing for (or already involved in) open adoption to set firm boundaries around what is/isn’t acceptable behavior among birth and adoptive family members.

Today I’m going to toss out a bunch of boundary-setting questions. There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. They’re intended to get you thinking—and discussing—issues that will very likely arise in your open adoption.

While these questions are structured for adoptive parents, they are equally applicable for birth parents. If you’re a birth family member, just flip-flop the question. I highly recommend that birth and adoptive family members discuss these questions together—before the adoption takes place, if possible.

QUESTIONS FOR PARENTS TO ASK   

Before the Adoption
What’s my comfort level regarding openness?

1. Do I want to meet prospective birth parents before the baby’s birth? If yes, how often?
2. Do I want to attend doctor’s appointments?
3. Be present for the baby’s birth?
4. Be present in the hospital soon after the birth?
5. Stay out of the picture until I gain custody of the baby?

Continuing Contact
Do I want to continue contact with my child’s birth family after the adoption takes place?

1. What will that contact look like? (Letters, pictures, gift exchanges, visits?)
2. Do I want to continue meeting with my child’s birth family members after the adoption?  If so, with which family members do I want to continue contact?
   1. Birth parent(s)
   2. Siblings
   3. Grandparents
   4. Aunts and uncles
   5. Cousins
3. If I want to continue meeting with the birth family, how many times per year would I like to meet?
4. Will our child be present at those meetings, or will the contact be among parents only?
5. At what locations do I feel comfortable meeting (neutral location, such as a park? My home? Their home? At family gatherings? Holiday parties? Other social outing?)
6. What do I envision happening during those meetings?
7. What do I dread might happen during those meetings?
8. What do I look forward to most about those meetings?

Exchanging Gifts
What are my expectations regarding exchanging gifts with birth family members?

1. Will I accept gifts from them to my child?
2. If so, from whom will I accept gifts?  (Birth parents only? Birth grandparents? Siblings?)
3. Will gifts be sent only to my child, or do I expect to give/receive holiday gifts, as well?
4. If I have additional children, do I expect birth family members to send gifts to them, too?
5. Will I give gifts to members of my child’s birth family?  If yes, to whom? Birth parent(s) only? Birth grandparents? My child’s siblings?
6. What is the limit on the number of gifts exchanged? (for example, 2 gifts for our child’s birthday from his birth parent(s), 1 gift from each birth grandparent)
7. What is the spending limit on gift exchanges?
8. For which holidays will we exchange gifts?

Discussing Parenting Strategies

1. What do we prefer that our child call his/her birth parents?  By their first names? Nicknames? Birthmom? Mom? Hey you?
2. What will our child call his birth grandparents? Grandma & Grandpa? A special nickname? First/last name?
3. What role will the birth parent(s) play in our child’s upbringing? Do I view them as friendly supporters? As co-parents? As the enemy?
4. Do I feel comfortable accepting parenting advice from the birth parents?
5. Do I feel comfortable asking the birth parents for parenting advice?

Readers, please chime in with your own questions—and responses! What works and doesn’t work in your own open adoption?

Read more about open adoption in the May 2008 issue of Adoption
World, my free monthly eZine. To subscribe, send a blank email to adoptionworld@aweber.com

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and
check out my Amazon Exploring
Adoption bookstore.

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In the previous post, I answered some reader questions about open adoption. Here’s another one:

Q: How can we maintain a relationship with our child’s birth family in a way that will be best for our child?

A: This is a tricky question, because every open adoption situation involves a unique set of relationships. And relationships can get messy, as we all know!

I have two recommendations:

#1: Take things slow, just as you would in any new relationship. 
One bizarre aspect of open adoption is that two families who would be unlikely to meet under “normal” circumstances are suddenly thrust together into a long-term relationship to which they are strongly committed. There’s a temptation to learn everything there is to know about each other, instantly. Keep in mind that a healthy open adoption lasts throughout your child’s lifetime; you don’t have to share all your deep, dark secrets the first time you meet.

#2: Set firm boundaries.
I’ve heard complaints from adoptive parents about birth moms who make frequent, unannounced visits and who criticize the adoptive parent’s parenting style.

I’ve heard complaints from birth parents about adoptive parents who promise to let them visit or send gifts, and then renig on their promise or hide/discard the gifts the birth parents send.

If you’re truly going to have an open, honest relationship, you need to prepare for potential hot-button issues and then face them head-on. Yeah, it’s uncomfortable, but it’s better to talk it out (with a mediator, if necessary) than to stew about it and allow it to ruin what could be a great friendship.

In my next post, I’ll suggest some boundary-setting exercises you can try.

Do you have an open adoption question for me?  Ask away!

Read more about open adoption in the May 2008 issue of Adoption
World, my free monthly eZine. To subscribe, send a blank email to adoptionworld@aweber.com

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and
check out my Amazon Exploring
Adoption bookstore.
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Here are some questions about open adoption I have received from readers:

Q: Did your son’s birth mother have other children after your son? If so, how has your son handled the information that she placed him for adoption yet decided to parent her other children?

A: Yes, both our sons’ birth moms had additional children. Our oldest son’s birth mom married and has three daughters.  Our younger son’s birth parents had two more children together, both of whom they are parenting.

Because we visit our kids’ birth parents periodically, our sons have actually asked their birth parents that very question. Their birth parents explain to them that it isn’t because they didn’t want them or don’t love them (their love for them is obvious and our sons know it), but because they were quite young, not yet ready to be parents, and not financially able to manage parenting at that time in their lives.

Of course, my husband and I have answered this same question from our sons, but somehow it carries more weight when it comes “straight from the horse’s mouth.”

In an open adoption situation, it’s important for the birth and adoptive parents to discuss how you’ll respond to this question when your child asks. Your child needs to feel assured that everyone—especially his birth parent(s)—still loves him.

Q: Do you refer to your sons’ birth siblings as brother and sisters?

A: Yes. Sometimes we call them their birth sister/brother, to avoid confusion, but generally, we just refer to them by their names and everyone knows who’s who. Their birth siblings also refer to both our sons as their “big brothers.”

It’s kind of entertaining when people ask my sons how many siblings they have. Depending on the situation, their answers include the following:

• I have one brother
• I have one brother and three sisters
• I have two brothers and a sister
• I have 6 brothers and sisters, but only one brother lives with me

Do you have an open adoption question for me?  Ask away!

Read more about open adoption in the May 2008 issue of Adoption
World, my free monthly eZine. To subscribe, send a blank email to adoptionworld@aweber.com

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and
check out my Amazon Exploring
Adoption bookstore.

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One of my readers has requested help with the following dilemma:

Her 9-year-old son, whom she adopted at birth, has an open adoption with his birth mom. He recently had a visit with her, and the contact seems to sadden him.

The adoptive parents really like their son’s birth mom and are glad their son is able to know her, but they are concerned that they may be "mismanaging" the visits.

The adoptive mom writes:

Our son says says he misses his birth mom (after he visits with her) but he’s only seen her five times in 10 years, and the first few visits he can’t even remember, of course.

I think he is feeling grief at such a deep level that each visit re-opens his unsettled feelings about being adopted. He’s at an age where it’s difficult to be different and although he has quite a few friends who were also adopted, the majority of his peers were not and I think it’s bothering him.

I’m so thankful that I have been able to openly and honestly discuss this with his birth mom and she is prepared to step back as much as necessary to help him. She does not want to interfere and she is comfortable with her decision, but she has her own grief to deal with, too.

The family has sought counseling from someone who specializes in adoption grief, but feel as if it might be more helpful to consult with someone who has experience working with older children in open adoptions.

Any suggestions, readers? We’d love to hear from birth parents, too. Please respond in the Comments area…thanks much for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

Pictured: Our son and his birth father attend a Veteran’s Day concert together at our son’s school.

From one of my readers: 

“I want to adopt but I am afraid of what will happen if my child wants to find her birth family when she gets older. I don’t know how I will feel. I know I’m selfish, but I’m also scared."

Over 80 percent of domestic infant adoptions involve some form of ongoing communication among adoptive and birth families. So, whether you are a pregnant women who’s considering placing your baby for adoption or a person who’s considering adopting a baby, chances are that you will either meet (before and/or after the baby’s birth), exchange letters and photos on a pre-arranged schedule, e-mail and/or call one another, or have regular visits with one another as your child grows.

It’s normal for both adoptive and birth parents to have fears about what will happen after the baby is adopted. After all, you’re taking a great leap of faith into the unknown, forging what could be a relationship that encompasses your child’s entire lifetime.

Birth parents may wonder:

• Did I choose the right people to parent my child?
• Will my child be happy and healthy with these people?
• What if everything they’re telling me about themselves is a sham and they’re child abusers in disguise?
• Will my child forget about me? …Resent me because I placed him for adoption?
• If I remain a part of my child’s life, how healthy will that relationship be for me? …For my child? For his adoptive parents? What will my role be?

Adoptive parents may wonder:

• Can I trust that the birth parent(s) won’t try to take their child back?
• If birth parents are in the picture, will they try to co-parent? … Will my child decide he likes them better than he likes me? Will my child be confused about who his real parents are?
• Will I be able to prove to the birth parents that I lived up to their expectations?

There are no easy answers to these questions, and since adoption is such a relational medium, every situation is unique. So I’ll share a few insights based on my 15+ years of direct experience with four completely open adoptions. Two of them are with my [adopted] sons’ birth families, one is with my sister-in-law’s family (she was adopted as a newborn and established a relationship with her birth family when she was 30) and one is with my brother-in-law’s family (he is a birth father whose adult birth son established contact with him a couple of years ago).

Here are four recommendations:

1.  Examine your fears. When we go into adoption, we have rather nebulous fears that are difficult to articulate. Many of our fears are based on the media’s obsession with glorifying adoptions gone wrong, and of horror stories we’ve heard from people who have had bad experiences with adoption. Get out a piece of paper and list exactly what your fears are. Then examine the underlying causes of each fear.

For example, my reader asked: What will happen if my child wants to find her birth family when she gets older?

What fear does this statement imply?

I think she fears being out of control.

Allowing her child to “find” her birth family implies that she must trust her child’s judgment. Allowing her child to form an attachment with her birth family implies that the adoptive mom must feel secure in her own attachment to her child.

If the adoptive mom dreads being out of control and feels threatened by the presence of her child’s birth family, perhaps she should consider intercountry adoption, from a country in which there is little or no chance of coming into contact with her child’s birth family.

If she is determined to adopt domestically, the adoptive mom should talk with families involved in an open adoption, so her fears can be assuaged.

2.  Take things slowly, just as you would in any new relationship. If you look back on the friendships you’ve formed during your lifetime, most of them are shaped over time. Adoption puts the process of forming relationships into warp drive, because one day, you’re living your life, with no idea that these other people existed. The next day, you’re instantly bonded irrevocably by a child whom you all cherish. You’re simultaneously anxious to begin a relationship and anxious about beginning that relationship. Rather than faking or forcing a friendship, allow it to bloom naturally, over time.

3.  Set firm boundaries around your relationship. Truthfulness and trust are the hallmarks of any good relationship. If you all truly care about your child and have the child’s best interests at heart, you will openly discuss and agree upon the roles each of you will play, and you will abide by the communication agreement you set up.

4.  Expect the relationship to wax and wane. Most relationships do not maintain their intensity over time. There will be moments when you feel extremely close, and others when you feel distanced—perhaps even estranged. Establishing a relationship with one another requires commitment over the long haul. When you understand that flexibility is needed in your relationship, you will allow one another “space” to grow and change without giving each other guilt trips for doing so.

For more detailed information about open adoption and establishing healthy
relationships among adoptive and birth families, get my book, The
Adoption Decision: 15 Things You Want to Know Before Adopting.

Related posts:

• Maintaining Your Open Adoption Communication Agreement
• Problems That Arise Between Birth/Adoptive Parents in Open Adoption
• The Adoption Power Shift
• Three Ways to Develop Healthy Relationships in Open Adoption
• Why Do Birth Parents Cut Off Contact in Open Adoption?
• Open Adoption: What Would Jesus Say?
• What, exactly, IS open adoption?
• Open Adoption: It Takes Work, but it’s Worth It
• Open Adoption: Managing Tricky Issues
• A Birth Parent’s Rights in Infant Adoption
• Most Birth Mothers Want Information About Their Child
• Ten Things NOT to Say to a Birth Mother in Open Adoption
• Are people involved in closed adoption well-adjusted?
• What does ‘moving on’ mean for birth mothers?
• Should adopted kids be encouraged to have a relationship with their birth parents?
• What if you reunite with your birth mother and she doesn’t live up to your expectations?
• Should adoptive parents cut off contact with a drug-abusing birth mother?
• Closed Adoption From a Birth Mother’s Perspective

Do you have a question about adoption you’d like me to address on the
Exploring Adoption blog? Please e-mail me.

Join me for more adoption Q & A in the next post on Exploring Adoption. We’ll discuss: My child is struggling
with post-adoption issues. What should I do?

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and
check out my Exploring
Adoption bookstore.

Additional posts in this series:
Part 1: How to choose an adoption agency
Part 2: Am I too old to adopt?
Part 3: Can I adopt if I’m on a limited income?
Part 4: Why is it so difficult for singles to adopt?
Part 5: When should I tell my child he/she was adopted?

Check out this Washington Post Magazine article about one family’s experiences with open adoption. The story provides an intriguing look at the pros and cons of open adoption, as seen from the perspective of one birth mother and one adoptive family.

I’m getting ready to head to Colorado for the Adoption & Orphan Care Summit and don’t have time to comment on the article, so I invite you to read it and post your comments below.

"Open (Secret)" by Liza Mundy, Washington Post Magazine, Sunday, May 6, 2007, Page W18

For more about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com and my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

Misconception #1:
Birth and adoptive families have frequent, face-to-face contact.
Every adoption situation is unique. Period. You may know a family (like mine) who visits with their child’s birth family regularly. I can’t tell you how many people have said to me, “Wow, you see your kids’ birth parents? Isn’t that weird? Isn’t that unusual? Isn’t that…abnormal?”

No, it isn’t. I can rattle off the names of several families I know who have adoption situations very similar to ours. I can rattle off the names of just as many who have no contact with their child’s birth family, and I can name still others who send pictures and letters periodically, or talk on the phone a couple times a year.

When you adopt an infant within the U.S., your situation is what you and your child’s birth family decides it will be. Leave room for growth and change and most importantly, respect one another’s boundaries.

Misconception #2:
Birth parents can “take their child back” whenever they want.
Less than 1 percent of domestic adoptions are legally contested after parental rights are relinquished. Depending on the state in which you live, birth parents have anywhere from 48 hours to three months (after they sign relinquishment papers) to revoke their consent to adopt. After that revocation period (considering the adoption was done legally), the adoption is a done deal.

Misconception #3:
Birth parents don’t care about their babies.
I can hear birth parents everywhere shouting, “Not true!”  While there are a few birth parents who are so drugged out and messed up that they may not realize that they do care about their child, I have yet to meet a birth mom who does not care deeply for her child, whether it’s been one day or 40 years since she’s seen that child. The same goes for birth fathers. Even though they weren’t physically pregnant, they don’t forget.

Attorney Mark McDermott says that most birth parents “have made a painful, but loving, choice—one for which there is very little societal support.”

Most birth mothers aren’t teenagers, either. Many are single mothers in their 20s and 30s who already have at least one child.

You’ll find detailed information about misconceptions concerning adoption in my upcoming book, The Adoption Decision: 15 Things You Want to Know Before Adopting.  Add a comment to this post and you may win an autographed copy!

Inspiration for this post came from:
“Perception & Reality: The Untold Story of Domestic Adoption,” by Eliza Newlin Carney, Adoptive Families, June 2007.

Related article:
Domestic Infant Adoption: Alive and Well

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and
check out my Exploring
Adoption bookstore.

In February, I posted a 9-part series on open adoption at my Christian Adoption blog on adoption.com. (Here are links to all posts in the series).

Our lives revolve around open adoption, so I felt compelled to share a family adventure we had with our son’s birth mom last night. You can read about it in my post, "Tip of the Day: Avoid Chuck E. Cheese’s Saturday at 5 p.m."

I usually post different content at my Christian Adoption blog than I do here, so if you like what you’re reading, I invite you to check it out! I’m one of 30+ bloggers in that network. Here are links to all the Adoption.com blogs:

• Editor’s Blog
• Adoptee
• Adopting a Sibling
• Adoption Search
• Adoptive Parenting
• Africa Adoption
• Birth/First Parents
• China Adoption
• Christian Adoption
• Crisis Pregnancy
• Ethiopia Adoption
• Foster Adoption
• Foster Care
• Guatemala Adoption
• Haiti Adoption
• Hoping to Adopt
• International Adoption
• Jewish Adoption
• Kazakhstan Adoption
• Korea Adoption
• LDS Adoption
• Older Child Adoption
• Older Parent Adoption
• Open Adoption
• Parenting Special Kids
• Reactive Attachment Disorder
• Russia Adoption
• Stepparent Adoption
• Transracial Adoption
• Ukraine Adoption
• Viet Nam Adoption