The Caucasian foster mom of two African-America girls, ages 7 and 3, poses this question (readers, please respond to her in the Comments area):
I took my African-American foster daughters to the beach this summer and witnessed horrible racism directed at them. A man ripped his child off the swings because we were there. People in town were unfriendly to us. When I took the girls food shopping in the next town, African-American women were indifferent to me, whereas Caucasian women showed no signs of discrimination.
I don’t think the 3-year-old saw the problem, but the 7-year-old clearly felt the effects of the racism.
When a child is treated this way, how can I, as her parent, help her?
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
First, you should realize that even African American parents of African American children have to help their children deal with the effects of racism. This may be a good time for you to connect with other adoptive parents of African American children and examine their strategies. Also, books on anti-racism may help.If she asks you about how people treat her, tell her the truth. You don’t have to give her a detailed history of racism, but I think its better to help her realize that people in the world will judge her because of skin color. Emphasize that SHE is not at fault, THEY are. Confronting it directly is better, because if you ignore it or act uncomfortable without saying anything she will get the subtle message that you are uncomfortable
Second, I do not know your situation but at my predominantly African American church their is a Caucasian couple who joined the congregation because they adopted two African American boys. They were always active Christians, but they really felt as if joining our Church was important for their child’s growth. This may seem difficult at first, but I think really joining an African American organization and seeing the world from and African American perspective can be valuable for both you and your daughter. Unfortunately, you can’t sheild her from racism but you can give her a sense of place and identity so that she can learn to sheild herself.
Blessings to you.
I find it very sad that in this day and time supposedly intelligent superior caucasion people are still carrying that hateful grudge, about skin color no doubt. I am an Afrcan American woman with no children and this makes me think twice about bringing any in this world. Those are two beautiful innocent children that don’t need to be exposed to this. I have no qualms about adopting interracially, I think its a beautiful thing. I would explain to my daughters how beautiful they are and how ignorant people don’t like beautiful things. Teach them to hold their heads up high and soar above all this pettiness.
Being a white parent of 3 African-American children can be a challenge. People of all races are quick to make judgments. It wasn’t so long ago that it was not allowed for white people to raise black children. Society felt by adopting outside your own race you would be unable to raise a child in their cultural heritage. African-American people felt that a white person raising black children were unable to prepare them for adulthood, for the ridicule and racism that awaited them. For many years African-American children were sent into white homes as foster children and when it came time for them to be adopted the courts would rip the child from the home where that child had love and security just to place them with African-American adoptive parents (which most of the time there weren’t any) or a different foster home so that the foster parent did not become too attached. This was devastating for both the child and the foster parent. You tell me, who really benefited from this?
Things have changed some but we have a long road ahead of us. There have been many times when I had been out with my kids that we get “the look” or people actually say something negative. I simply explain to my children that those people have a problem and it’s not our problem. We have enough problems of our own and we don’t need to add their problems to ours.
When I started to do foster care I did not go into it with the mind set of adopting an African-American child. I went into it knowing that I was going to care for children and maybe, just maybe God would allow me to raise a child as my own, and He did. Out of 37 foster children He blessed me with 3 of the most intelligent, most athletic, goal mind children. Even though we are ridiculed at times I would not exchange my life for anyone else’s. I pray as time goes on that this group would no longer be a marginalized group and people would judge by the heart not the skin.