You've been through the ringer with infertility workups and treatment. You're frustrated, discouraged, and empty. How do you know when it's time to stop pursuing treatment and move forward with your life?
Stepping Stones newsletter (Jan 2009) offers six good tips:
1. Face facts.
Ask your doctor to sit down with you and candidly discuss your prognosis. make it clear that you want an honest answer.
2. Decide together.
Unless you reach your decision mutually, you are creating a breeding ground for resentment ("I wish I hadn't listened to my spouse and that I'd tried one more time").
3. Don't make hasty decisions.
Infertility testing and treatment can be an intensive, expensive process. If you're heading into infertility treatment, prepare yourself for a marathon. If you quit before you feel satisfied that you've made a thorough attempt to achieve pregnancy, you may regret it for a lifetime.
4. Be open to changing your mind.
Monthly doctor visits, programmed intercourse, and huge medical fees–with no resulting pregnancy–are exhausting. You may decide to stop treatment altogether, or take a break for six months to a year. If, after a period of rest, you feel hopeful enough to try again, don't be ashamed to call your doctor.
5. Don't be unduly influenced by others.
Outside pressure from family members and close friends can influence you to keep on when you've had enough… or give up when you're not ready. While your family and friends love you and want the best for you, they aren't you. Only you and your spouse can decide when enough is enough.
6. Pray about your decision.
Seek God's guidance and wisdom and be open to His direction.
Source:
"How to Decide," Stepping Stones Magazine. Article adapted from When the Cradle is Empty: Coping with Infertility, by John and Sylvia VanRegenmorter (Focus on the Family and Tyndale House Publishers, 2004).
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Thank you so much for this information. My husband and I have done 3 IVF-ICSI cycel and have started the adoption process but just don’t know what the best thing is to do. Should we do a fourth cycle? I am hoping this book will give us some insight on what God truly has planned for us.
Nice post, very informative.. Consulting a doctor really helps so that you can know if you’ll still wait for being pregnant to never lose hope or else the other chance is to adopt
One rule I always tell couples to stick to is that if trying to have a child is taking over your life, causing friction in the relationship, or will put you in debt, then that is the point at which to stop and contemplate other avenues such as adoption.
Debs,
Your comment about one’s quest to become pregnant taking over their lives is very true. I know a single woman who has tried every fertility treatment imaginable. She’s worn out – physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially.
But her fertility specialist continues to dangle a carrot in front of her, suggesting, “Why don’t you try this? We’ve just developed new technology… why don’t you try that?”
It’s so difficult to know when to quit, especially when there’s always a chance that pregnancy might happen (and there’s almost always a chance, no matter how slim).
If all you think about is your quest to become pregnant, I, too, believe that’s a good time to take a break so you can more objectively re-evaluate your motivations, your quality of life and your finances before determining what to do next.
I realize that stepping back is a huge risk, because moving out of the treatment cycle can set you back months. But it may be the best thing you can do for yourself. I know many people who have done this, and none of them regret taking time to re-evaluate and heal.