I received an e-mail from the parents of a biological daughter born in 2006. They hope to adopt a sibling group but are concerned about how that will impact their daughter over the long haul.
When people ask me what to expect when adding an adopted child (or children) to the mix when there are already birth children in the family, I respond:
My statement isn't a cop out; it's true. I know many families who have both bio and adopted children. For some of these families, the transition is quick and painless. For just as many others, it's long and painful.
So much depends upon:
- how one prepares their child(ren) for the arrival of a new sibling (whether that sibling be by birth or adoption)
- the type of support the extended family offers
- the family dynamics
- birth order shifts
- the emotional health of the child being adopted
I always recommend that families seek counseling from a therapist who specializes in adoption issues (yes, they exist!). Doing family counseling during those first few crucial transition months can smooth the transition for everyone, and provide family members with excellent tools for negotiating conflicts that are bound to arise. The social worker who is conducting your home study can refer you to counselors in your area who specialize in adoption.
Let's help this family out, readers.
- If you are part of a family that has both birth and adopted siblings, please share your overall experiences/advice in the Comments area.
- Please do the same if your family includes an adopted sibling group.
- What are some of resources and books on this topic that you recommend?
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
It’s really true. It’s like kids in families in general. Some can handle one, some can handle 12, and some can’t handle any. But you have to fairly assess your personal situation, because a bad assessment is unfair to any child you may adopt.