I received an e-mail from the parents of a biological daughter born in 2006. They hope to adopt a sibling group but are concerned about how that will impact their daughter over the long haul.
When people ask me what to expect when adding an adopted child (or children) to the mix when there are already birth children in the family, I respond:
My statement isn't a cop out; it's true. I know many families who have both bio and adopted children. For some of these families, the transition is quick and painless. For just as many others, it's long and painful.
So much depends upon:
- how one prepares their child(ren) for the arrival of a new sibling (whether that sibling be by birth or adoption)
- the type of support the extended family offers
- the family dynamics
- birth order shifts
- the emotional health of the child being adopted
I always recommend that families seek counseling from a therapist who specializes in adoption issues (yes, they exist!). Doing family counseling during those first few crucial transition months can smooth the transition for everyone, and provide family members with excellent tools for negotiating conflicts that are bound to arise. The social worker who is conducting your home study can refer you to counselors in your area who specialize in adoption.
Let's help this family out, readers.
- If you are part of a family that has both birth and adopted siblings, please share your overall experiences/advice in the Comments area.
- Please do the same if your family includes an adopted sibling group.
- What are some of resources and books on this topic that you recommend?
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
It’s really true. It’s like kids in families in general. Some can handle one, some can handle 12, and some can’t handle any. But you have to fairly assess your personal situation, because a bad assessment is unfair to any child you may adopt.
I am a mother of two children, one adopted and one biological. I feel an immesureable amount of love towards both of my children. I will be honest and say that the love is different, not more or less, just different. The way I received both of my children was different, the way I bonded with thenm was different, therefore the love I have is different. However, they are both my sons and I love them with all of my heart.
They intereact and get along just as biological siblings do. They love each other, play together and miss each other when apart. They, of course, have spats just as any other set of siblings do, but they genuinely love each other. I have no regrets about my family and love both of my children the way they are.
Thank you for your candid comment, Andrea. Both of my children were adopted, and they also interact like biological siblings, complete with the alternating waves of loving to hang out together and endless bickering (mine are teenagers).