Introduction:
This series of blogs will explore the pros and cons of
various types of adoption: confidential/closed, semi-open and
fully-disclosed/open; international; special needs and foster-to-adopt. Please email
me your own pros and cons and I’ll add them to the list.
Part 1: Pros and Cons of Confidential or Closed Adoption
What is closed adoption?
A confidential adoption is one in which there is no contact between the birth and adoptive families. Confidential or closed adoption was commonplace from the 1950s through the early 1980s, when the concept of open adoption began gaining popularity. In a confidential adoption, the agency or adoption attorney serves as the mediator, and the adoptive family receives only non-identifying information (medical history, description of physical features, etc.) about the birth parents.
The child’s safety is foremost
Confidential adoptions are an appropriate choice (and often, the only viable choice) when the birth parents are incarcerated, are drug addicted, are emotionally disturbed or have been abusive to the child. In these situations, the child has often been removed from his or her birth parents for safety reasons. The safety of the child should always be a parent’s foremost concern. If protecting a child from potentially harmful contact with his or her birth parents is a critical factor, a closed adoption is a viable choice.
Birth parents are out of the picture — for better or for worse
Adoptive parents who choose a confidential adoption do so partly out of fear of involvement from potentially pushy birth parents. On the other hand, because they know nothing about the birth parents, the adoptive parents may have a hard time feeling empathy toward them as fellow human beings who grieve over the fact that their child is no longer in their life.
Or the adoptive parents may live in fear, always on the lookout for anyone who resembles their child, fearful that a birth parent will swoop in and steal the child. These fears are largely unfounded, as proven by the ever-increasing popularity of open adoption (see article on the pros and cons of open adoption for a different perspective).
In the past, when closed adoption was a birth parent’s only option, people asserted that confidential adoption gave birth parents the opportunity to put the painful experience behind them and move on with their lives. Numerous studies show that birth parents do not ever forget the child they placed for adoption. Not knowing whether their child is healthy, happy and well-adjusted causes lifelong grief for many birth parents. Because of their lack of information about their child, birth parents are likely to second-guess their decision, forever wondering how their child is doing, whether their child hates them, or whether their child is anxious to meet them.
Some birth parents still do choose closed adoption because they do not want their pregnancy to be public knowledge and the confidentiality of closed adoption makes them feel more comfortable.
The child may be affected negatively
Adopted children seem to be the ones most negatively affected by confidential adoption. Thousands of adult adoptees born in the 1950s through ‘70s search for their birth parents, saying they feel incomplete, as if part of their identity is missing. Many adopted women search for their birth parents when they get pregnant for the first time, desiring to complete the “missing link” of their biological heritage and to obtain more complete medical information about potential health issues their own children may inherit.
Coming December 6: Pros and Cons of Semi-Open Adoption
This series on the pros and cons of adoption is also available at www.laurachristianson.com.
{ 58 comments… read them below or add one }
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I was adopted in a closed adoption in 1968, and found the experience to be painful and difficult. The rhetoric of the National Council for Adoption doesn’t make it any easier.
hello there…
my name is dora and i am very intrested in adoption.. i was wondering! ummm.. is it necessary to be for or against adoption?? i have a project and iwas just curious…
Thankyou..
Dora Thao
I’m also doing a project about adoption for school with another person. One of us is supposed to be against it and the other is for it. I’m supposed to be for it, but the only thing I’m for it is if a woman is raped and she is very poor or cannot take care of it…..is there any other reasons for being for adoption? Also what are some reasons to be against it?
Thank you
i was given up for adoption at birth in 1979. from what i’m told, my mom is white & my dad is black. she was married at the time, but separate from her white husband. could this have been more of a “racial” thing???
I was adopted in 1981, after being born to a single,poor and struggling 15 year old girl. If i had stayed with her my life would have been tough and scary. My adoptive parents gave me all the love i need and i find adoption to be a far more positive choice rather that abortion. I never had any need to contact my biological parents.
i am doing a paper on adoption for school, and this page really helped! thanks alot.
Hannah <3
hello i just did an a ppr on adoption for mi class in skool and now it had really wanted me to adopt when i am ready! your cite really helped! i am also doing a projh on it and i am saying not that it is bad but that it needs improving i was wondering what you could tell me?!?!
i just wanted to say thank you for putting time and effort into this page cuz i am doin a report on this for pros and cons and this page helps millions..thank you!
*mEgHaNdEaN<3
I was adopted in a closed adoption in the mid-60′s. I recently found my birthmom after searching for about two hours. So far it’s been a great reunion.
I am the number one fan of closed adoption. I never felt unloved or abandoned. I knew from about age 3 I was adopted. I did not want contact with my birthmother until last month. I appreciate the privacy of my closed adoption, and I believe that when both sides want a reunion, it will happen easily, with the internet.
i’m doing an argumentative paper on adoption and I myself is adopted,. I don’t see anything wrong with adoption but, i think that the adopted kids should be able to have a life also with there birth parents. i was wondering what all i should know, since i’m for adoption, to help me with my paper
My boyfriend is adopted and I asked him if he would like to adopt a child himself when he gets married, and he said that he wouldn’t because the process was very difficult, but he would if his wife was unable to conceive. I don’t think it matters whether you are for or against adoption, it all depends on your situation. He recently found his birthmother, and he kind of regrets doing it because he pictured her being superwoman when in actuality she’s far from it.
I was adopted in 1972 at the age of 2weeks. Im proud to be adopted, I dont know my birth parents at all. I figure if they want to know me they know when and where I was placed for adoption. Ive been raised by a great family, and my birth parents did the best with what they had, they gave me a life, and for that I love them
I adopted a child recently and she is five years old so obviously she knows that she is adopted. She doesn’t know her birth mother and she says that she just wants us to be her parents. I will never hold her back from knowing her biological parents but I don’t really think it will benefit her to do so.
please send me other information….. Thank You
Brooke Frame
I think that adoption is good but only if you cant suport the chiled but if you just dont want a kid then you shouldnt of hade sex
Good idea Eric! Women should definitely have to totally sacrifice their sexuality and sex life because of a pregnancy risk. Gee, i sure know a lot of people who view sex as beind intended solely for reproduction! Oh… wait- no I dont. And nice spelling of child bud.
As a reunited adoptee and a clinical psychotherapist trained and specialized in pre/post-adoption, adoption reunion counselling/coaching, I believe it is incredibly important for an adoptee to reunite with their natural families, not just for medical information, but also for integrating themselves into “whole” individuals. It’s a reality that adoptees are of two families, and to deny the fact that they were born of another set of parents is wrong. In my practice, I see all sides of the community and believe it is of great benefit for an adoptee to reunited to get those unanswered questions answered that aparents can’t answer and for many other reasons. Yes, there are reunions issues, however all sides are making up for lost time. What 5-year would understand what it means to be adopted…..I certainly didn’t understand what that meant….but growing up I felt different in my afamily…..as does every other adoptee of which I have spoken to and/or seen in my practice.
hi!
i’m doing a project about adoption. What are some pros and cons of adoption??? if you could email me back, i’d REALLY aprreciate it. THANKS!!!
=)))))))
Me too
However, I need information on transracial adoptions, (pros and cons.) That’d be great!
I’M ADOPTED!!! My older sister and I. I was wondering what you would call our adoption. We both live with our birth mother. But our fathers didn’t want us. We have different fathers. [That sounds bad but it's true. Sometimes only the birth mother or father wants the child.] But when my mom got married the man wanted to adopt my older sister and I. So we are adopted. But only by the man my mom married. So what kind of adoption would that be? My mom doesn’t like talking about my father with me. But now my older sisters father wants to talk to her now that he wouldn’t have to pay child support. Good thing she wants nothing to do with him. Now I’m not 18 yet, but I will be in April 2007. [I hope myfather doesn't do that to me.] And my mom doesn’t like talking about my adoption. And I have to do a report on myself. But I dont know what to call it because I am adopted but just by father. So what would it be? If you can please tell me. Thanks.
I am also doing a projet on pros and cons on something. I would like to do it on adoption. Seeing as how I am adopted. And my boyfriend would really like to know more because I told him when we get marrid we were going to have two kids of our own. But I want to adopted one or two children. Thanks.
I am 21 and am able to have children, but would rather adopt (A LOT later down the road of course when I am ready to start a family). My boyfriend is against adoption, he says if I am able to have children then I am being selfish not to have them myself. The way I see it is there are a lot of children on the earth that need parents, so why make another one. A child is a child no matter if the parent is biological or not. As long as the child gets love and the things it needs I don’t mind if it has my genetics or not. I don’t know much about adoption so I guess what I want to know is if I adopt will I be taking a child away from a couple that cannot conceive one of their own or am I helping out a child that may not have parents otherwise? And is this a waste of time since I can have children or is it worth adopting in the end?
I’m doing a project on the pros and cons of adoption.I was wondering if someone could help me,because i can’t think of many cons
thanks
hey i was adopted in 1991 and since i got bigger mi family that got me fought all the time and i always wanted to find my real mom…. finally i did and went to see her in 2006..
Hi! I was adopted and I know my birth mother. She is mentally ill and doesnt like talking about my birth father. No one knows where he is but i was told that he didnt want to give me up. I want to search for him but dont know how to? I looked on 411 but I didnt find anything. any ideas???
I was adopted in 1994 by my biological mother’s sister. My biological mother was also adoopted by her aunt. This coused her to feel lonely and abandoned her whole life. She eventually turned to drugs and had 4 children, none of which she was capible of caring for. At my time of birth I was removed form her care and given to my biological father. My biological father was much more together than my mother he felt he couldnt give me the love that I needed. At the age of two he died from a drug related death. At theat time I went to live with my adopted family.My adopted mother and father had 6 children that my mother had birthed and not adopted. Even though most of my life that I remember was spent in the home I am in now I have always felt abandoned and alone. I often feel that compaired to my siblings that I am the one that couses all the problems. There have been times in my life that my adopted father has told me that he only adotped me because he had to. Even though I know that if it weren’t for my adopted parents I would have had a very hard life and would not have been as well off as I am now I can’t help but feel as if I would be much happier if I wasnt adopted. I have never been able to comunicate with any of my relitives. Most of my family thinks that I was a horrilbe horrible mistake and shouldn’t have been born.
My biological mother’s other children were also adopted. The oldest was an illgal adoption and chances are I will never meet him.
My youger brohter was given to another one of my aunts and although he seems happy with his adopted parents he suffers from cronic lying and cronic theft. Both are signs of adopted child syndrom, which causes a child to be unruley in hopes of getting some sort of attention to hind the fact that they feel abandoned. My younger sister was adopted to one of my uncles.
She often seems skiddish and scared. She is afraid of contacting me and my younger brother because she feels that if she is close to us than she is betraying her adopted family, even though legally she is our cousin and still family.
Throught out my intire life my biological mother has been on drugs. She tells her biological children that she loves us but all she is capible of doing is lying and hurting us. Over all even though the idea f adoption is good when carried through only causes pain.
Hey – I am doing a debate on adoption… I am on the “YES” side and we believe that in the American culture, it is common for adopted children to try and contact their birth parents at some point in their life. BUT, we are suppose to also include other facts and information regarding adoption. I would like to know if there have been any studies done that show a percentage of adopted children attempt to come in contact with the birth parents and what their motives are! Thanks so much for your help – I greatly appreciate it!
Alyson
Hi I have read a few of the blogs on the pros and cons. I am in a medical law and ethics course and I am doing a report on Adoption and was looking for some pros and cons, I can barely get information from my fiancee who was adopted because he would rather not know his birth parents and doesn’t talk about it much. I would really appreciate some information on the pros and cons if you can help.
i am doing a paper on why it is better for teenagers to choose adoption over parenting or abortion, any help would be great.
thanks
I am doing a research report about adoption any information would be greatly helpful
I am doing a speech on the pros and cons of adoption and i need a little help finding some more info on the pros and the cons
thanks
Hello my name is cassie and i am doing a project on the facts of pr
and con about adoption but what i rally dont get is the important facts of adoption.well pleae write me back.
I was adopted at birth in 1985. I think adoption is absolutely wonderful. I have the most loving caring parents ever…and I want to thank my biological mother for the courage and strength that it took for her to put me up for adoption, without it I would not have been led to the great people that I am proud to call mom and dad. While Im curious about my biological parents, I dont think I will pursue anything about them anytime soon…maybe once I am grown and have kids of my own. There are so many kids out there waiting to be adopted…so couples who cant conceive should definitely consider adopting! Its truly a gift from God.
I as well am doing a project, thir really helps, never delete this page!!!!
man im adopted im also doin a project on pros and cons and i can help you with cons just tell me the ? and ill awnser it and ill give it my best shot
im so confused i want to adopt so bad but iam afraid what will happen if she wants to find her family when she get older? i dont know how i will feel, i know selfish right. im also scared about how i will explainto her that she is adopted and other people can some one help!!
I am a adopted child, who is fourteen and I found out that my birth mother is my aunt, but I still dont know who my birth father is, how can i find out who he is?
can anybody inform me a great way of finding birth parents?
Thanks
I’m doing a debate on whether or not it should be a requirement for the adopted child to know their biological parents. i was wondering if you could email me some more information about how forcing a child to meet their biological parents could negatively affect them.
Thank you,
Laura
hey really like the wbsite, well im doing a project on the pros of adoption can you plz send me some information on that plz
i will really apricciate it
thank you!
i am adopted myself and i am for adoption but i am doing an paper for english class and i was wondering if you could please send me some information on closed adoptions and why even if you dont want names you cant get your medical records
thanks much
elizabeth
i wanna know more about adoption coz my husband and i have been pondering about it. we have been childless for almost five years. please help me… i’ll be waiting for your reply. thanks a lot in advance…
i am adopted and i adore my family
just because there not biological doesnt mean there not your parents.
i have had no desire to meet my birth parents, and if i did to me they it would be like meeting another grownup, or maybe like a long lost uncle… =)
the people that take care of you are your parents. no matter what
i must also mention that i am a TCK, am black and live in a white family, and am bilingual…
race has nothing to do with it either =)
i love my parents and i wouldnt trade them for anuthing in the world.
I am black and was adopted into an all white family when I was 3 days old. There has never been a problem with my family and myself. They were there from day one one in a way, and have shown me nothing but love, support, and acceptance over my 19 years. I have always explained with pride the fact that I am an adopted child. I recently had the urge to find out where it was I came from after reading the book “Roots.” My parents couldn’t have been more supportive of my decision. With some difficulty we were able to find and estabish contact with my birth mother. She said that not a day went by that she didn’t think about me. Even to here that I was never rejected, but given a better life meant all the world to me. I am looking forward to meeting her over Christmas break, and getting some questions answered about by birth father. I happened across this sight while doing a term paper on adoption for college. It was nice to read what people had to say. NO ONE should feel like they were rejected. We ALL were given up in the hopes of a better life.
I am doing a paper on abortion and was wondering what are the pros to adoption? I cann’t seem to find them anywere
My adopted parents brought me home right after I was born. Both my older sister and I were adopted and I LOVE BEING ADOPTED!!!!
I do know my biological mother because we did have an open adoption so they made it to where my sister and I could if we wanted to know who our real mother was. To this day my sister still has a close relationship with her but as for me I dont because I was never really raised around her. Some say that open adoption is wrong and others say that its fine but all I will say is that from experience PLEASE BE CAREFUL!!!! I have cried toooo many nights over why my biological mother didnt like me as much as my other sibling. My opinion is If you have a child and want to do open adoption DONT until they get old enough to make their own decisions. I love my biological mother but I dont think I could be around her and my sister is completely different. So it just depends on the child
i love the way my foster om makes me feel good! i love herso much.i cant wait til we r legally a family!
i just wanted to say thank you for this website im a freshman in highschool and im writing a terribly hard source paper you were very helpful.
Christine, why is it that the people who give their children away are constantly referred to as the adopted child’s “parents”.
I thought parenting was a 24/7 job, not choosing someone else to do the job.
I am wondering how you counsel couples who are distraught by others asking who their child’s “real parents” are?
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