Comments on: What Happens When Birth Parents Want Their Child Back?

By: jj

jj — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 02:36:51 +0000

Elizabeth, please don’t tell an adoptee who their “real” parents are – I consider all four of my parents “real”.

By: jj

jj — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 02:05:49 +0000

I hope for your sake that your adoptive family did not drag out the case thus making the attachment worse.

These days, it is very hard for a bmother to get her baby back after the revocation period which is usually when the child is under a month. If she tries to get her baby back at this early stage and then it gets dragged out for years, then who is really to blame? I really do hope that isn’t what happened in your case.

By: jj

jj — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 01:23:59 +0000

“The first case involved a Florida boy, now 3 ½, whose birth mother placed him for adoption in May 2001, when he was two days old. A month before the adoption was supposed to be finalized, the boy’s biological father filed a motion demanding custody. At that time, the judge informed the adoptive parents that the birth father would likely gain custody.”

What all of you commenters seem to be missing is that the father applied for custody well within the time range ONE MONTH BEFORE THE FINALISATION and the adoptive parents deliberately and wilfully dragged it out.

In general, bmothers are given a revocation period after signing TPR in which they are able to get their baby back and if they want their baby back, they should get their baby back. It is usually very rare for a bmother to try to get their baby back after the revocation period unless there is proof they have been severely coerced (eg signing forms while drugged in hospital). I actually suspect that you don’t hear many stories about mothers getting their babies back after signing TPR but before revocation because they probably do get returned without any fuss.

The cases you usually hear about and that get dragged on are the fathers who apply for custody. They too have rights but tend to face more opposition from the adoptive parents and the lawyers normally suggest that the APs drag the case on as long as possible so they can claim the “but they have been with us too long” argument. It is a common tactic used by lawyers. If they had returned the child at the time of the request, then the child wouldn’t even remember that she/he had ever had adoptive parents, so it is really the adoptive parents being selfish there.

Btw you are all very judgmental towards bmothers. The truth is that the timing and nature of adoption counselling is so coercive (yes even in this day and age) that a woman facing a crisis pregnancy can end up feeling that the only “moral” thing for her to do is to place her child for adoption – the counselling very cleverly makes her feel that parenting her child is the selfish thing.

As for those of you who are adopted from the 60s/70s etc – your bmoms had very little option but to relinquish their child. Do a bit of reading and you will understand how it was.

By: dana

dana — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 18:43:58 +0000

Oh my! Did you sign up for the punitive father’s registry? You HAVE to protect your rights if you want this baby. (I pray that you don’t live in Utah or that Utah is involved). If you are contesting the adoption, you need a lawyer that can stop it arguing the Federal Parental Kidnapping act. ALSO, check out Baby Emma Wyatt and I believe the website babyselling.com Anyone who gets their hands on your child for adoption has already paid $25,000 that is non-refundable. They are not going to willingly give you your baby.

By: Justin

Justin — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 20:25:11 +0000

What if you had something happen to you that happened to me.My ex girlfriend behind my back is trying to adopt my child out she has signed papers and all I am waiting on a paternity test to know for sure she is mine.What you think my chances are of getting her if she is my daughter.I am a father by the way.

By: Tabitha

Tabitha — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 04:34:52 +0000

WOW!! There is always two sides to every story. To say that biological parents should never get their child back is incorrect. My story: 19 years old had my first son , married 3 months before that , bought a house , and imagined my life as happily ever after. A young husband with issues of his own (etc domestic violence , drinking, drugs , destroying my life) just wasn’t ready to be a man or father so after alot of abuse and family court I moved in with my mom. Granted a mom who had issues of her own and my father who passed when I was 16. We tried a go at the relationship after a break , realized he was the same left him again and 2 weeks later found out I was pregnant. I tried it on my own with 2 boys and little income(and harassment from my ex slashing tires on my car to make the income even less) I was faced with a decision. My ex sister in law who I viewed as an older sister at the time, offered to ” help us out”(no not by babysitting or buying diapers) said he could stay with their family. A husband,two kids, good income so much more than I had to give. So when my youngest son was 9 months old I let him live with them and for a while things were ok. They told me I would always be his mom and Cam would always be his brother, we would be in his life always. Sounded good at the time until he would cry for me when picking up his brother from their grandparents house. Screaming and crying for me not to leave him and they would spank him. Yea thats extremely painful when you know you are powerless and you made a mistake as a mother. He will be 5 soon and I haven’t been invited to birthdays and I only get him when I beg or give a big notice. The saddest part is I could have done a better job then them even with less money. My son now has to take a bath every time he gets to come over cause he smells like dog piss and I buy him new clothes and shoes when I can. I never see him dressed well and every weekend he is at grandmas house. His clothes all look like rags, and he says he dresses himself. No problem with him dressing himself as long as they are clean and accesible to him. I don’t go inside grandmas house so we sit outside together no matter the weather just so we can catch up. I was in college tryin to make a better life for me and my boys with little help and I made a bad decision that I regret everyday. Does this make me a bad biological parent and should I never get my child back even though I could do a better job then them now?

By: ramesh ramalingam

ramesh ramalingam — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 03:17:07 +0000

King solomon might have been right in his views. But, he is not living in this generation where the biological moms being druggists and selfish abandon their children. At the same time the adoptive parents who really contribute in bringing up this life of this child are so admirable. God bless them. It is idiotic and stupid to sit over and follow king solomons decision in this century. If king solomon lived now, he would have denied the birth parents the previllage to own the child. I totally disagree with not solomon but people of this era. Most of all once someone adopts the child, it is their child. They have the full rights. Not only that in solomon’s story it was not adopted child. The law should not decide on us but we should decide on law. Thats why we have judges to decide on it but not some computers loaded with laws and take logical decisions.

By: mikilee

mikilee — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 05:47:00 +0000

I have a little bit of a different situation. I adopted my nephew who is now 11. My sister had a drug problem but at the time of the adoption she was clean and sober but felt like she had to voluntarily give up her parental rights. The judge and the guardian ad litem both stated their intent to terminate her rights due to her being unemployed and not having a house that she could stay in for loger than 6 months. I have since found out that I am ill. I worry about if I something happens to me she is the only one that can take care of him. They have a really good relationship and she has remained a big part of his life. Could I give her parental rights back to her? Could she adopt him back? What if I am terminal and cant care for him?

By: Freya

Freya — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 17:29:44 +0000

Kelli, I agree with you, biological parents should not get the children back if they ever thought of giving them away. There would have been a good reason for the court to put children up for adoption and it shows the birth parents are not safe, able, responsible… whatever the reason. I also think it makes the childs life complicated and it’s not fair for the child to make him/her unsure about who it’s parents are or will be.

By: Sam Echler

Sam Echler — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 16:19:10 +0000

Let me bring some clarity to all this bickering from adoptive parents and people who birthed a child.
Parenting has nothing to do with origin but everything to do with relationship.
And before the stones begin to fly: I’m adopted. I was adopted at 2 months through the social service system in my state and I’m now in my late 30′s.
I found out a few years ago that my “grandmother” orchestrated the adoption.
I grew up not wanting anything to ever do with the woman who birthed me- if she was wishy/washy and changed her mind about the adoption, I’m glad it never materialized. Why would I want to be raised by someone who couldn’t figure out if they wanted me or not.
And yes, 3 years ago I met her. My emotions haven’t changed. I’m sure there were times she had thought about me, or worried of my welfare. However, that pales in comparison to being compassionate about your child and your world revolving around them.
I have children of my own & they are my life. I LOVE them!!
What I do get really sick of on these forums are “birth people” whining about how they were manipulated or they changed their mind. Whatever. I change my mind on an outfit, not my child. Everything is cause & effect. You made a choice- now shut up and deal with it. Period.
However, adoptive parents- you’re not always blameless either! I’ve seen selfishness – because you think it’s all about your desires & not the natural origin desires of a human.. (I’ll go more into this later…). You purposely or ignorantly assume a naive stand by thinking as long as you love a child everything else will fall into place- not true.
And the last factor I’m throwing out is the money. Babies are big business with social services and adoption agency’s.. Sadly, humans are a transaction.