Comments on: When Should You Tell Your Child He Was Adopted?

By: Laura Christianson

Laura Christianson — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 17:27:19 +0000

Yes. In my opinion, you should have started talking about it 8 years ago, so he doesn’t wonder what’s so terrible about the way he arrived in your family that you feel you must keep it from him. Start sharing his adoption story with him in age-appropriate ways today.

By: sheliah anderson

sheliah anderson — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 16:40:22 +0000

My husband and I adopted our son when he was a newborn. We tried to to have kids of our own and never could, I had 5 miscarriages and tried for 23 years. He is bi-racial and is always asking about his colorer. We tell him thats just the way God made him.Now he is 8 years old and starting to ask questions. How should we tell him?

By: Lisa J

Lisa J — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 14:57:05 +0000

Pat…..Beautifully said…Thank you

By: pat

pat — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 04:02:20 +0000

My youngest came home at 15 months. My oldest 3 are bio kids. The oldest have always loved hearing the stories of their birth, so to our youngest we have always told the long and wonderful tale of her journey home. It starts with our knowing in our hearts our ‘forever daughter’ was out there and the paperwork and home visits and obstacles, includes the story of a young pregnant woman who couldn’t parent but wanted this special baby to find just the right family, and her courageous decision to give that incredible gift. we talk about that moment we first saw her and said “There she is! That’s our baby!” At 8, she still loves the story, and pops in with details. She proudly tells people that, although her siblings came from Mommy’s tummy, she came from both our hearts.

Of course there will always be a place of sadness and conflict for her. Let’s be honest, it can suck. But everyone has some kind of baggage; some people have one leg, some people have crappy parents, some people have diabetes, some people have parents who are too young, or too old, some people are homeless, some people are raised by nannies and never see their parents. You have the ability to put that baggage on the table and air it out. The key is to love one another and not be afraid of that truth that was born in love. It is the adoptee’s story. Give it to them not with fear or sadness, but with honesty and love and joy.

By: Lisa J

Lisa J — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 15:57:18 +0000

Thanks for posting RK,
We hav always told our grandson that he is special. I am not sure that I agree with the point your Counselors say about your grandson might think he is bad. In our situation, our daughter had/has mental and heathly issues and is not so stable. We just keep telling our grandson that he is special cause he has sooo many people that love him, and we have decided that when he starts to question more about having 2 moms, that the approach we are going to take is that his birth mom was sick and loved him so much and new that she couldnt provide for him or help him grow that she wanted us to bring him up.
I am straight up kind of person who believes that there may be some pain or questions in the beginning years but in the end as he grows older and understands more he will be appreciative knowing all that has transpired. His birth father has never seen him and has never told his parents about him having fathered a child. He to is into drugs and unstable, and we will once again take the approach that he knew he couldnt be a playful happy loving parent to our son and that he wanted nothng but the best for him….

By: RK

RK — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 19:23:48 +0000

This is my situation as well. I have an adopted child of my child. Mine doesn’t know that his sister is really his birth mother. In your case, you don’t have to do anything. Your son will ask when he wants to know. At least he knows she gave birth to him. I have a bad situation because my daughter is involved with drugs and I don’t what my adopted child to know he is a child of hers. Seeing the bad that she does might make him think he is bad too. At least that is what counselors say. What do you say?

By: RK

RK — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 19:08:03 +0000

Me too! I have a 5 year old and I don’t want to tell her. I don’t want her to think she is different from her siblings.

By: Lisa J

Lisa J — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 18:13:43 +0000

We have adopted our GRandson, he has always lived with us since he was born. OUr daughter hid her pregnancy due health and emotional issues. Approx 6 months after our grandsonw as born our daughter decided she didnt want to be a mom( not that she ever really was to start with, no maternal bonding happened) So we kicked in 100%. She moved out of the house a few months later and now our grandson is 4 1/2 and we have adopted him. He still calls her mom but also says…”this is my mom, she is my sister” ADn he switches between nanna and mom with me. I want to start explaining to him what happened but dont know where or how…..any suggestions?

By: Leah

Leah — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 17:30:48 +0000

Rebecca,
I am an adoptee. You are the BEST parent for giving your child that chance in life. That is, by far, the ultimate sacrifice. Unlike the adoptive parents who wanted desperately (meaning they had their own personal desires and needs) to be parents-and thought of THEIR desires, you had to bravely abandon that aching draw to keep your baby because you knew it was right, because you knew it was best for the baby’s future. That is the most selfless love there is. Try to deal with that insecurity you might face..and know that when your child becomes a teenager, and especially an adult, they will know what you did and they will realize–fully–that they were not loved less by you. There are so many parents that adopt that do know they are not necessarily ‘the best’, only their situation is better, that’s all. They are forever and forever indebted to this beautiful life that is an inextricable part of you!

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 18:26:00 +0000

It wasn’t that we wanted the “best parents”, that’s pretty arrogant of you to say. You adoptive parents can provide more financially, but not more love. I was the best parent by choosing adoption, you don’t have to love sacrificially to adopt, anyone can do that. Better tell them the truth, get yourself off of your pedestal.